Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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