Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Someone shit on the floor
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
