If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
