I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
