And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
