i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
