This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
