goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize