friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
