On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
