Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
