just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was like eating out sand paper
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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