five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
