the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
