just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
