her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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