She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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