Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
