ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
