Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
