woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When are your genitals available?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
