hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
