the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
