i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
