The maid of honor just puked.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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