She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dicks are not precious.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
