Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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