I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
