Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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