Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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