Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
