My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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