Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
