And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize