The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
