is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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