Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize