1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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