hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
