Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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