you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
