Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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