he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
