I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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