I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
