The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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