Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bring me that man meat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
