okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
did you just send me my own nude
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
