So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
