now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
