I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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