You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
