K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish my penis had a tongue
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
