One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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