from now on my penis is your penis
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
