Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
