i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
