no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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