Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
