Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
