remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
