I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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