if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I deserve this hangover.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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