the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont even know how to be here
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
