On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
