So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
BRING THE BAGELS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
