Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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